Friday, January 9, 2009

breaking up

I keep reading my fellow former Jspacers journals and all I see is one relationship after the other having problems, So today Mr. Advice Man, is going to inform you how to break up.

The ideal way to break up is the one featured in the famous best selling book and movie, Love Story, where the beautiful heroine, sensing that the relationship is getting a little stale, contacts a fatal disease. In real life, however, its never that easy. You never have a really good reason for breaking up with the other person, so you feel guilty, and you put off confronting the problem. I have a friend who found it so difficult to tell his mate he no longer loved her that finally, one day, they actually got married. There they were, this big wedding and the bride in front of her friends and family, thinking this was the happiest day in her life and he was standing there in a rented tuxedo, thinking. "Should I tell her Now?" Nah Better wait till after we cut the cake" This kind of thing happens all the time.

So if you are going to break up, you have to overcome your guilt and break up now. Otherwise you will never find the person you want the person with whom you can find your goal of life long happiness. You should follow the example of famous former ravishing beauty Elizabeth Taylor, who sheds husbands like Kleenex and has found life long happiness dozens of times.

Of course you major concern, in breaking up, is how to do it in such a way that the other person doesn`t get so upset that he or she stabs him or herself. Or Yourself. I recommend that you take the honest approach. Come out and speak the truth. That is always best, in the end. To build up your courage, practice holding imaginary conversations with lover, wherein you set forth, calmly and rationally, the reason why you feel the breakup is necessary, then try to imagine, and sensitively respond to, the various bjections your lover might have:

YOU: Listen, I, um, I uhhh........

YOUR LOVER: Yes? Is there something you wish to tell me?

YOU: ahh Ummmmm

YOUR LOVER: Are you trying to tell me that , although you care for me deeply, and you will cherish always the times we have had together, you really feel that we need more space to grow and enrich our lives as separate individuals? For my sake as well as yours?

YOU: Well.

YOUR LOVER: Then perhaps it would be best if we broke up, with no ill feelings or remorse on either side.

YOU: Okay by me.

After you have mentally rehearsed this dialogue enough times, you simply go through it again, out loud, but this time in the presence of your lover. You will be surprised at how smoothly it goes:

You: Listen, I um, I uhhh...

YOUR LOVER: If you break up with me, I`m going to kill myself.

YOU: I was thinking we should get married.

There! See how easy that was? I am so very happy for the both of you.

If I cannot find those little patches for my inflatable girlfriend, I will write for you already married couples advice on getting a divorce


  1. Always a touchy subject. I married my High School Sweetheart and have absolutely no skills in the breakup department. Sure she makes me mad at times but then again I'm not a saint either.

  2. Honey, are you tryin to tell me somethin?

  3. I suck at the break up department. I either am careless, blunt, and rather mean or I put it off until I've already found someone else.

    My opinion is generally just cut the cord and get it over with. Better for all parties involved.

  4. That dialogue is in same league as the video of Hitler and the JS breakup.

  5. Make it short and sweet. Tell it like it is. And you are right, there are a lot of relationship issues on these blogs. People tolerate way too much crap.

  6. LOL
    That was great! Kind of unfortunate too, in hindsight ;)

  7. You were there on my wedding day? Damn! Speak up!